|
| "Do you ever"
understand someone so much
that you're convinced that soul mates do exist
and there is a
reason for living
and that reason isn't some coincidence....?
(It's that
person whose blood vessels
branch off so easily into yours
over
the muscle fibers
that intertwine like
last year's christmas lights.)
& "Do you ever "
give up the little talks you have together,
so that you
can really listen....? (And all the little heart beats
all over the
world
gradually signal out like am radio stations
until only you and
your other half's two hearts
are the only ones,
and they correspond to
one another so well.)
And you swear
you only hear one beating
like a
steady metronome
during the neighbor's piano lessons....
Do you ever feel
that?
I do.
{I love every moment just like it.}
| | |
|
45mph.
I am [lost].
It is my n a m e.
I am running into foreign lovers <3 & former friends *:
{which is giving me amo to shoot at the future to kill, to be killed, to love & live}
WHAT THE FUCK?!
I am 45 mph & I'm not s t o p p i n g .
I am[irresponsible]and fast at it.
I am lacking in large, bountiful amounts.
So,
does it suffice to say that I am growing.up and over this?
This bit of,
"Hello, I'm new & unimportant."
Seems impossible;
almost destructive, even.
Cracker boy taught me how to swallow---------------
pride. | | |
| Will I resort to cutting myself out of this skin to solve my problems
for an hour or so? No not likely, but it's always so tempting. I can
feels the scars on my body so emotional. A connection.
That one's for
him.
That one's for her.
That's for 13.
That's for dad.
That's for
parent's fights.
That's for being stupid.
That's for teaching myself a
lesson.
That's for punishment.
But this isn't like old times when I catch my reflection in the kitchen
knife clutched in my hands right before penetration. This is something
else.... Someone else.
Someone I don't want to know.
| | |
|
I hope something will happen
very soon to change the way I feel. I lay awake at night wondering why
I can't change anything. I begin to hate myself for letting it get this
way. Why haven't I done something already? If I just said something
then maybe things would change. Everyone around me seems so happy while
I'm sitting here wondering what kind of argument I'll get into today. I
have a constant feeling of hopelessness that I can't overcome. Just
when I begin to think things will get better, I am soon reminded that
that can not be. Why do I feel this way? Are other people going
throught the same thing? Who knows? It's starting to wear me down and I
am not sure I can handle it. My everyday life is starting to be
affected and people are starting to notice. Why is it outsiders can see
something's wrong but the people I need to see it most don't care to
realize that I'm unhappy? I feel like they don't really care and just
expect me to deal with it. On the inside I'm losing control and it's
starting to show on the outside. It's funny how I've kept my outside
appearance cheerful for everyone but now I fear that my true feeligns
are starting to show through.
"I was hoping to tell you this with two feet on the ground
but I don't think I can talk, because
I'm not very stable right now."
| | |
|  And
I can't stop.... (No, I can't.) I'm putting my weight into the brake pedal,
but this won't stop. I keep crashing into things, and people. I'm in
endless free fall -- falling from the sky hitting branches like a doll. "I tried - I gave up; I tried, and I gave up." | | |
|
